MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - COMING BACK AFTER SEPARATION - PART 9

This is the continuation of the previous article:

MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 1
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 2
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 3
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 4
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 5
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 6
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 7
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 8

The accumulative effect of mountain of problems will lead quite often to a break up of the relationship in a violent/explosive confrontation/discussion ( quite often accompanied by physical abuse ). It is a consequence of the discharge of accumulated energy generated from the friction between the partners as a result of not solving the problems in an effective way.

Thus the partners separate but after few weeks, months or even years they come back to each other and continue their relationship. And this is interesting... These partners come back to the relationship hoping that everything will be good this time and they are ready to go on the compromise and try to do the most possible to avoid the situation which led to the conflict. Unfortunately this is only the trap.

The mountain of problems which both of you have created in the past, still exists there. It only stopped growing in an accelerated way because you have been separated and the friction which was generating the energy has lessened or stopped. It is also highly possible - if the separation was for longer period of time - that the mountain of problems has got smaller because you have realized your mistakes and you have corrected them within you. But because it is rather unusual for people to process all of the problems and dissolve them completely thus the mountain still exists there and the difference is that it is smaller ( the weight on your shoulder is lesser ) and you feel better and stronger and believe that you can come back to your partner and continue the relationship.

But this is only illusion. If you come back to your partner but you don't change anything about how you live your relationship and you don't work with your partner on effective dissolving the mountain of problems from the past, it will all re-manifest itself and most probably quicker and stronger then before.

This is the reality of many relationships which lack the fundamental basic necessary for the functioning of satisfying and effective relationship. If the partners don't establish an effective way to communicate and solve the small problems they will accumulate into the mountain of problems and the partners will not be able to solve the big problems and it is only a matter of time when the relationship will fail - it doesn't matter how wonderful it is in the beginning of the relationship, it doesn't matter that you promise that you will love your partner your whole life, it doesn't matter that you have found you "soulmate" that you have been waiting for your whole life. Most of these relationships will fail. If you don't believe me then have a look at this world and investigate the facts and look at the statistics. You are not different then others. You only hope and believe that you are. You will only be different if you learn how to communicate effectively and solve the problems together with your partner. Only then you will have a chance to create and build a long term relationship, which will work and give satisfaction for both of you and the rest of the world.

Thus if you decide to come back to your partner after the separation it is better that you start working together as soon as possible on solving the problems which led to the break up in the first place.

     

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DAY 42 - BUSINESS NEGOTIATION TECHNIQUES THAT YOU WILL NEVER LEARN IN HARVARD UNIVERSITY - PART 2

We are continuing our article about business negotiation techniques and go to day 2 ( the final day ). On the previous day the person A was in the sauna drinking alcohol. As I said before alcohol, heat and humidity have much stronger and quicker effect on a persons consciousness than in normal drinking in the bar and if you are not aware of it than you may find yourself being completely knocked out very quickly. Somebody may say: "well... shit happens" and simply laugh at this person because that is what humans do when they listen to other people telling with pride their stories of how drunk they got at the party, how much they vomited and how big hangover they have the next day.

But we may not forget that the person A is on a business trip and in the process of signing the final contract worth millions of dollars. Anyway it is almost guaranteed that the person A will wake up the next day with extremely strong headache and other symptoms of hangover. And this should not be a surprise. But person A will be extremely surprised when he wakes up with extremely strong headache and after few minutes or more he will realise that he is already on the plane, the official contract is lying in front of him and it is signed by him but he doesn't remember how and when he did it. He will try to remember how it happened but he will only get some glimpses of memories of the last day and it is the result of drinking alcohol in the sauna. But we should also not exclude the possibility that the drinks had something added to it to make sure that the person A gets intoxicated and "loose the film" ( memory ) for sure.

This is the most probable outcome of the visit to the sauna. But there is also a possibility that person A is very strong and doesn't get intoxicated very easily. And if for some reason the person B will not be able to get the signature of the person A than the negotiations will continue on the 2nd day. But before we continue with day 2 we have to point out that no matter how resistant to alcohol and other substances this person is, there will be always some form of compromise in the behavior and self awareness. And this person will do things - that he would normally not do - much easier. Of course your hosts ( business partners with whom you are negotiating the contract ) will continue being nice and friendly to you and they will have "genuine" laugh with you about what happened on the previous day. You will finish another official business meeting discussing the last details and hopefully sign the contract.

But you know how to negotiations function. Both parties have their objectives ( limits ) which in the beginning are different and during the negotiations both parties go on compromise and in the end they meet somewhere in the middle between their initial objectives. Of course there is also a possibility that person A will not be completely satisfied with the negotiations about certain small details to the point that he will not want to sign the final contract. And no arguments and offers of a person B will be satisfying enough to sign the contract. Well in this case the person B will present his last and final offer which will discard any doubts that they are the best business partners in the whole world with whom person A should sign the multimillion dollar contract.

I will remind you once again that no matter how resistant somebody is to alcohol, he will in some way be influenced by it and he will do things that he would normally not do and he will not always remember everything what he did. Thus the person B will show - with the "genuine" smile on his face - the person A the video record of what he was doing the night before with the girl or girls which he has chosen while being in the sauna and which have taken care of him in the private room. And in this case person A will have to make the choice between compromising on the little differences which stopped him from signing the contract in the beginning of the negotiations or being exposed and possibly loosing the job, your family, friends etc. Most of the people will choose the first option.

Now... the same applies to the person A which has woken up in the plane with the signed contract without knowing how and when. If he tries to question the legality of it and he will try to revoke and cancel the contract, he will also be presented with the video of him being with the naked girls ( or boys or whatever ) in the private room. As I said before person A is under strong influence of alcohol or other substances and is not conscious and aware of what is going on with him and thus we may not exclude that our friendly hosts have arranged some really nasty stuff like recording that he is having sex with under-aged persons which means imprisonment if the judge finds out about it, maybe the person has signed the contract in which he has agreed to sell his house in his country to a person B for little money and in the case of objecting signing the big contract he will loose his house, his wife will be shown the video etc.

As you can see our hosts are very "friendly" but at the same time they are very creative, their business negotiation techniques are unbeatable and almost nobody can resist their arguments when it comes to final phase of the negotiations.

And you have thought when you finished your Harward University that you were taught the best and most effective negotiation techniques in the business world. Well... as you can see you are wrong. The person B hasn't graduated from best universities in the world but still his techniques are more effective then yours.

I remind you once again that this is not a fairy story. This is happening for real. I have heard it ( by accident ) while having lunch in the restaurant and listening to the people next to me talking about it. And they were the top executives from big companies.

To be continued...

     

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DAY 41 - BUSINESS NEGOTIATION TECHNIQUES THAT YOU WILL NEVER LEARN IN HARVARD UNIVERSITY - PART 1

This is not a fairy story. It is all real and it is happening in the business world.

Let's say that you are a director of a big company and you are going on a business trip to finalize the negotiations and sign a multi-million dollar contract. Here there are various scenarios of how it happens and I will only describe one of them.

Let's say fly for business meeting to another country for negotiations. On the first day you are discussing the final details of the contract in the conference room. And of course while you are there you are being treated in the best possible way. In the end you are negotiating a multimillion dollar deal. Thus you are staying in the 5 star hotel, you are being invited to a luxurious restaurants etc. Later in the evening after the business meetings you are also being invited to a wellness center so that you may also discuss the small things in the relaxing atmosphere. You have a shower, you go to the sauna etc. Usually it is all very luxurious and there is nothing really special about it until certain moment.

Thus you are seating inside of the sauna room with the other guys with whom you are negotiating the contract. You are also being served some alcoholic drinks while being inside there from time to time. During negotiations in the conference room you would never drink alcohol but here you are thinking that you are already unofficial and this is more of a relaxation time ( most of you probably already know that drinking alcohol in the sauna has much stronger intoxicating effect than when you drink it in the bar ).

You have taken already few drinks. You are not so serious anymore and you start to believe that it is all fun and relaxation. Suddenly the door opens and there are entering the room very beautiful girls in high-heeled shoes but apart from this shoes they are not wearing anything else - they are completely naked. They enter the room and they put themselves in the middle of the room in a row. You are a little bit shocked in the beginning because you don't know what is going on. You didn't expect anything like this when you were invited to go to the wellness centre. Thus you ask the other guy or guys:

A: What is going on ? What are they doing here ? Why do they have attached numbers to their hands ?
B: Well... you may choose.
A: What do you mean "I may choose" ?
B: That is what I mean. You choose the girl.
A: Yes ?
B: Yeah... don't worry... it is on me.
A: But I don't want to.
B: Common... just choose the girl and she will take care of you.

All the time you are being served alcoholic drinks and because the heat of the sauna enhances the intoxication much quicker so you start being affected by it - you are not so serious anymore. You don't want to offend the host thus you choose one of the girls and after some time she takes you with her to a private room. What is happening in there, I don't have to write anymore because it is easy to imagine.

And so day 1 of the negotiations is finished.

P.S. Sometimes the person A will not want to choose the girls even though the host strongly insists that he chooses one. But that is not a problem for them because their hospitality is extremely good. The girls leave the room and after a while there comes a group of good looking boys.

To be continued...

     

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2012 -WHY I DON'T TRUST POLITICIANS ? - PART 2

This is the continuation of a previous article: “WHY I DON'T TRUST POLITICIANS ? - PART 1”

But if the woman is wise then she will take a breath, stop the emotional reaction of butterflies in the stomach which make her blind and irrational and she will ask herself a question:

- does this man really love me ?
- do his words and action are one and equal ?
- does he show with his deeds in every moment that he loves me ?
- does he also love other people and animals ?
- does he do what is best for all in every moment ?

If she falls into the trap of beautiful but empty words of a man who wants to have sex with this woman and this is the way to get it ( just like the promises of the politicians which raise the emotions in people ) then her relationship is going to be just like the career of the politician - she will be used and abused in the same way as the politicians abuse the position of power in the government for their own needs. She will get disappointed and eventually they will break up.

Here is very important question: will she do the same mistake in the next elections when the next man comes into her live and will try to get her support with beautiful words ? Knowing the psychology of humans and their addiction to feelings generated by beautiful yet empty words I would say that the answer to this question will be yes. The same as we do with political elections every 4-5 years.

And this is the main reason why I don't trust politicians who use beautiful words of grander without showing me that they live them in every moment as themselves. And you know what ? Once you live your words in real life you don't need to write beautiful speeches on the paper because then you will be able to speak in any moment without the preparation. And your words will be reflection of truth and they will carry the true substance of you because every words that you speak will be the living word ( the word that you speak and live it ).

I have also noticed very similar type of behavior with people who are in court. And to get a lesser penalty they just say the word “I am sorry”. I am sure that you have noticed it too. They are not saying it because they are sorry but because they should and because they will get lesser verdict.

Ok… what can we do now in the next elections to come if almost all of the politicians are liars ? Maybe you should become a politician yourself and then make sure that your promises are not empty promises. But first you must understand and prove for yourself that your words are living words and you act in the best interest of all. If you want to learn more about the “living words” have a look at people from Desteni Group. We are making video logs on Youtube and other social media and there you may see and hear that we don't read from the paper when we speak. We talk about our experiences and things that we have proven for ourselves and we live the words that we speak. And these are the people that maybe you should consider to vote for when we start forming and creating the Equal Life Party in the years to come.

P.S. Did you know that the politicians ( especially the top politicians like presidents, kings, queens etc. ) are using very often the professionals who write them appropriate speech. The speech doesn't come from them at all. It is written by somebody else who is using appropriate words. And I have heard that Erich Honecker who used to be the leader of the communist party in East Germany had a professional writer who was getting paid big sum of money ( equivalent to many thousands of euro ) for each speech. Will you trust somebody who is saying all the beautiful words of grander but in reality he is reading somebody's else's writing and on top of it, the writer also doesn't give a shit about the words that he is writing ? Would you get married with somebody who says that he loves you but he would read a letter written by somebody else ?

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2012 -WHY I DON'T TRUST POLITICIANS ? - PART 1

Well… I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't trust politicians because people talk about it openly all the time. We have been promised by the candidates in each electoral campaign that once we vote for them they are going to fix the problems, improve the unemployment, lower the taxes etc. They lure us with beautiful words and promise us everything that we want to hear to gain our support for them but once they are being elected, the time goes by and their electoral promises are still hanging in the air. And the same story happens time after time, election after election. Thus this is the reason why eventually people stop trusting politicians and call them openly “liars”. This is even being stated in the dictionary when we look at the definition of politician:

POLITICIAN:

1. a person who is active in party politics.
2. a seeker or holder of public office, who is more concerned about winning favor or retaining power than about maintaining principles.*

*http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/politician

WTF… This has already become so obvious that even dictionary talks about it. And this is also the reason why many people don't even participate in the voting anymore because they have been disappointed many times and they know that the situation is going to repeat itself again.

And of course I also take into consideration this point when I say that I don’t trust the politicians because of their empty promises from the past. But the main reason why they don't trust them is this:

I don’t trust them because when they make a speech they are reading it from the paper.

Everything else is perfect: they make perfect surrounding and create appropriate atmosphere, they smile, they have open body language etc. but...... And this one single “BUT” is a very important “BUT”. They don’t speak it live BUT they speak from the paper. And I didn’t learn it from any book or from anyone. I have had this knowingness of it in me always and almost every time whenever I listen to somebody reading from the paper then there is something not “right” about it, something is missing and there is emptiness in the words. As a teenager I didn't understand what it was but later in life it all has become clear to me. When the politician makes ( reads ) a speech from the paper he/she is using big and beautiful words because they want to gain the support from people this way. They do it and people vote for them - it is effective way to gain voters. But this is not just the fault of the politician and I do not want to judge and blame them for this. Because the voters allow themselves to fall into the trap of manipulation through beautiful words thus both sides are equally responsible for the consequences of having politicians who are liars. They lie, we believe them and accept it, we applaud them, clap the hands, we vote for them and we have another 4 or 5 year term with the liars in the parliament – simple as that.

Thus the candidate or the politician is using big and beautiful words because he wants to win the support of the voters. But the words are empty and they don't carry any substance whatsoever. And I am sure that you know what I'm talking about. There is a huge difference between the word spoken in a speech because it sounds great and people respond to it, and the word that is spoken by person who is living the word in real life. Let’s take some big words like “love” and use it as an example. I could organize a surprise and take a woman to a beautiful place at the sunset, make a beautiful flower arrangement, buy a diamond ring and say to her: “I love you”. And if she is just like the voters who clap the hands and starts having the tears in her eyes because apparently I have touched her heart then I will have a girlfriend or a wife. But if the woman is wise…

To be continued…

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2012 - IS PRAYING TO GOD AN INVESTMENT ? - PART 2

This is the continuation of the previous article: 2012 - IS PRAYING TO GOD AN INVESTMENT – PART 1 ?

5. Now let's have a look at the whole process or making a prayer to god. There are various methods:

- we go to the church, we make the prayer, we give some coins to the priest for leading the mess and we go home hoping that god will answer our prayer one day.

- we do the prayer at home, we take the rosary, repeat the prayer so many times and expect the same result.

- some people also offer something to god or charity hoping that their good deed will please god and he will answer their prayer. In regards to the offering of something to god to please him we’ve had various forms of it throughout the history – apart from giving money to the priest, in the past we were killing the animals or even the children because we were convinced that this will please god.

Now let's have a look at the definition of the investment. What is an investment ?

“…Investment is the investing of money or capital in order to gain profitable returns, as interest, income or appreciation in value…” *

Do you see the similarities ? The whole process of prayer looks like one of the best investment opportunities. You give some small coins to the priest ( your costs ), dedicate your time to prayers and weekly messes in the church** and expect to get a profit ( thousands or even millions of dollars ).

If you are not into giving the coins to the priest then there is also very common practice when you promise god that after you for example win the lottery ( thanks to the intervention of god ) you will give a certain percentage of it to the charities. This is also another form of investment. The final costs of it are maybe higher*** but at least you pay the costs only if the investment is profitable ( low risk investment ).

But this doesn't make sense at all. If God is so powerful and able to intervene into the laws and regulations of the lottery then why doesn't he give the whole jackpot to the charity directly himself ? To be possible for god to give money to charity he needs to help you to win the jackpot and only later you will give 10 - 30% of it to charity. There is no logic in it at all !!! And by the way why would this almighty god need to use the lottery to give money to a poor people and charity ? Why doesn't he create the money himself and gives it to all poor people directly ? By interventions into the laws of lottery god would be fucking up completely the rules and regulations of Bernanke’s Federal Reserve System and I assure you he would not be happy at all about it.

These are the facts. But of course if you believe strongly in god then you will not see it this way at all. You will see it as heresy, you will feel offended and hurt inside. You will not be able to read this article at all. You will reject it, you will try to defend your beliefs and maybe even attack me and everybody else who is trying to shake up your self-created beautiful believes about almighty god. But you know what ? This is just “normal” reaction because all of your beliefs that exist inside of you make you blind and you don’t see the facts even though they are here right in front of your eyes. You see it but you see them through a filter which distorts the reality but at the same time you think and believe that you are completely right. Ask yourself the questions and look just at the facts:

- What is the reality in our world ?

- There is starvation, poverty, hunger, war, crime, prostitution etc.

- Why God in his almightiness doesn't change it ???????????????????????????????????


*http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/investment
**time is also defined as capital in the world of business
*** when you go to the church every week for a mess you usually pay about 1-5 $ for the priest while in the second option people usually promise about 10 – 30 % ( this is called negotiation in the world of business and investment ) of the total prize from the lottery which could sometimes be few millions of dollars ( 10 % from 10 million $ = 1 million $ for charity ).

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2012 - IS PRAYING TO GOD AN INVESTMENT ? - PART 1

I know that this is a bit touchy topic because I will be talking about God and we have been taught and convinced into believing that everything that comes from God is perfect. Thus we should not question it or in any case criticize him. But I am not trying to attack god at all. I am just looking at the things the way they are in front of me, just looking at the facts. I leave on the side the beliefs ( e.g. that everything that comes from god is good and perfect ) because the believes and hopes make us blind and we act completely irrationally.

In general every religion is based on the concept that our lives on earth are some form of preparation and test before we go to heaven and experience eternal bliss while being next to God. We have been also convinced into believing that this material world is something not important because all that matters is heaven – the invisible, non-material, eternal world after the death.

Thus let's have a look at the facts when it comes to praying to god for money.

1. As I said before materialistic world is being treated by religious people as something not important, as something that is dirty and degrading to the soul. But the fact is that we are here and we must live here until we die. And while we live here we are subject to the rules of this material world. Thus we have to eat, drink, wear cloths, get a house, go to the doctor etc. And all of those activities of our daily life will run smoothly ( for majority of the humans ) if we have money.

2. Another fact related to it, is that in the capitalistic system there is limited amount of money and majority of us struggle to get them. We try to get the money in every possible way but there simply isn’t just enough of them and this has a great influence on how we function every day because if you don't have money you will have no food. The most common way of getting the money is through getting the job or making own business providing various services and goods in exchange for money. But even then we are not getting enough of them and we are constantly searching and trying different methods to get more of them including robbery, lying, cheating, prostitution or even killing sometimes. Some of us are lucky and they win the lottery or inherit a fortune from a family but this doesn't happen too often.

3. Another way of getting the money or rather we should say a method of trying to get money is by asking God for it through the prayer. As a matter of fact this is something against the principles of the religion because as I said in the beginning, the religion is looking at the material world as something degrading to the soul and thus we should not ask god about material things. But no matter what the principles of the religion says, asking God for money is one of the most common subjects of our prayers. This is another fact and I have to admit that I did it myself too.

What is the efficiency of it ? Well… There are people who say that their prayer has been answered by god. But in general it is difficult to prove it because many people give credit to god for something that was a consequence and normal outflow of their actions ( including the law of attraction ) or it was just a coincidence. Apart from this there are no precise statistics about it and as I said before not all people would admit that they are asking God for material things. But without having any statistics about it all we need to do is just to look at this world and then the answer should be clear. There is too much suffering and starvation, which indicate that praying to god for money is not effective. And I guarantee you that most of those starving people pray to god for food and money. But even though this is so obvious ( 1 billion of starving people on earth ) we don't want to accept that there is something missing here. Either we pray in a wrong way, or god just ignores us completely or he doesn’t exist at all. We find some silly excuses trying to explain why god hasn't answered our prayer yet and we continue praying, and praying, and praying… But the fact is that this is not as effective as we think and believe it is.

4. Why do you pray for money to God ? Does God have the printing machines to print the money ? Of course you don’t look at this from this point of view. You have been taught and made to believe blindly in god and his unlimited wisdom and power. But the fact is that God doesn't control the money because the money has not been created nor printed by god. By praying to god for money we state that he should make a phone call to Ben Bernanke ( the chairman of the Federal Reserve System ) and tell him to give you the money. Or maybe we should be rather praying to Ben instead to god ? Of course the chances of Ben giving us the money are very slim because this would be against the rules and regulations of the capitalistic system ( inflation etc. ). All that he would do is saying: “I can give you money but you have to pay me the interest for it”. And this is the fact.


To be continued….

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