Are you one of those who want to change the world? Are you a spiritual person? Are you meditating? Are you religious? Are you praying? Are you an atheist? Are you activists? Are you making demonstrations? Are you a soldier? Are you fighting with enemies and terrorists to establish peace? Or are you just don't give a fuck about the world? And you let it be the way it is?
None of it is going to be ever a successful…!!! You know why…? We need to change our inside first. We need to change ourselves first, because we are the cause of all the mess that exists in the world. And if you don't change the cause, the source, you are only treating the symptoms. And treating the symptoms is never going to give permanent results. It is like the disease in the body. As long as you treat the symptoms, the body is never going to get healed.
I have heard about the statement that we need to change your inside first, for a long time already. And it was always making sense to me. I was not rejecting it or denying it. But it is just now when I really start to understand it.
This is my realization made during my course from Desteni I Process. I start to understand more and more the law of polarities - positive and negative. I start to understand how we create polarity by participating in its opposite. For example the famous law of attraction from the “Secret”. I want something positive in my life and I focus on the positive in my life and I attract this positive to my life. But at the same time I don't realize that I am creating automatically the negative, the opposite. And no matter how much you pray, no matter how many enemies you'll kill, there will be always new disease, new enemy, new terrorist etc. And we will never change the world because we are trying to treat the symptoms instead of changing the cause, changing us, changing the inside.
You may learn more about it if you participate in the trainings and courses at Desteni I Process.
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I woke up this morning and I felt a little bit distressed. At first I didn't know what this. I start to breathe and slow down my mind as I normally do in those cases. After few minutes I have located the source of this distress. Before I went to sleep in the evening I watched one of the videos ( Imagination that is Violent and Aggressive ) from Desteni about the process of change.
It was said in this video that we need about 7 to 14 years to make the change in physical body. This seems to be quite a long time and this was distressing me a little bit in the morning.
I kept breathing and after a while I had a thought. This whole desteni process is like an iceberg. I see something floating on the surface but I don’t know that there is much bigger chunk of it under the water ( the scientists say that there is only 1/7th of it floating on the surface ). And this invisible part is very dangerous for the ships.
Now… let’s say that I want to break down completely this iceberg. I can jump on top and start to break it off piece by piece. This could be a very task to do in itself. And the funny thing is that every time I break off a piece of it, the whole iceberg floats again to the surface. In reality it is smaller but I don’t see it because it comes up to the surface all the time. And the whole process may seem to be frustrating because it looks like this iceberg never ends. But thanks to the knowledge of the scientists who are specialists in this topic, I know that there is an end. And if I persist with breaking off small pieces I will eventually break down the whole iceberg. Without this knowledge it is easy to fall because it would seem that this iceberg will never break down.
Now back to Desteni. They say that mind is very vast and I need at least 7 – 14 years of dedicated work to myself. I don’t see it and I don’t understand the whole process myself yet. But I want to break down the iceberg of the mind consciousness system. And I decide to trust them ( like I trust the scientist about the iceberg ), because they are scientists and specialists in this topic. And knowing that the whole process will take 7 - 14 years is better then not knowing it at all.
I have been in the process of self development for about 16 years and I have seen myself fall many times just because I didn’t know anything about the chunk of the iceberg under the water. And now they told me at Desteni about it and they give me tools that help me to break it down faster.
Yes… it is a little bit scary to hear when somebody tells you that iceberg is so big. And it is even scarier when you start to realize yourself that this actually can be true. And this is what is happening with me. During my course of the Desteni I Process I start to see more and more that this iceberg is really big. I break off the piece and there is more coming to the surface. Mind consciousness system is big.
But at least I start to see it now myself. And it doesn't matter how big the iceberg is. I will break it down. Anyway… there is no other choice. If I don't do it… it will smash me and destroy me.
P.S. There is also one more thing. I need to be persistent and consistent with breaking off the whole iceberg. Because if I stop, there comes winter seasons and this iceberg starts to collect more ice and becomes bigger again. And then I have to start doing it again. The same happens with the mind. If you stop the process, the mind will grow again and then you have to start again. And it is not worth.
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This is the continuation about the suppressed anger from the previous post.
The next day I have not spoken anything with my friend. Two days later ( from the day when I was shouting in my car ) happened another interesting event. I received an email from him. He asked me why I don’t talk with him, if he has done anything wrong that upset me. I have answered that everything is ok.
Few minutes later I went to the kitchen and I was preparing myself something to eat. While doing it I started to think about what I wrote. And I said: “..hey… wait a second…! this was not true what I wrote…!”. As a matter of fact I was upset and angry with my friend. And I was just repeating my usual behavior and pattern of suppressing and hiding the anger. I was pretending that everything is ok. There was no surprise that I have reacted in this way. But I have surprised me greatly that I have managed to notice it and decided to correct myself. So I wrote another email that I am upset and angry with him. That I feel disappointed.
It is very interesting that I was able to do it. I have changed my behavior and pattern. I expressed what I felt in the moment. And nothing really happened apart from this that I don’t have to fight with it anymore inside of me and my head.
After this event I started to see my backchat in all similar situations. I was always explaining to myself that one day he or she will understand the mistake and will say sorry for it. And instead of saying that I am angry or upset about something in the moment, I was pretending that I am cool.
But of course you cannot suppress things forever. One day it has to come out. And I started to understand, why I was super tense from time to time and I didn’t know why. This was this suppressed anger. And when there was too much of it, it was showing in my body, my face etc. and I couldn’t control it anymore. The suppressed anger was controlling me instead.
I know that I have made big step forward. I have faced my fear of showing and expressing my anger. I stopped judging it. I stopped accumulating it. I stopped suffering because of it.
This is my self realization as a result of the training at the Desteni I Process.
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While doing the timeline ( this is what we do in the SRA - Structural Resonance Course of the Desteni I Process ) about my father, it started to be more and more visible that I am suppressing anger in me. Of course it was not easy to see it. I didn’t want to see that I am angry. I was refusing to see that I am angry. But eventually I started to “uncover” it.
I was chatting with my buddy in the morning about some points in the timeline and we started to do self forgiveness. I started to have tears. Something started to change. I was thinking about this anger issue all day.
In the afternoon I was driving the car. And I was still thinking about the anger. I thought: “…I almost never shout and scream. I was judging it as bad and a sign of weakness that somebody cannot control themselves…”. I thought: “…let see what will happen if I start to shout….???”.
And I started to shout in my car. In the beginning I was shouting a little shy. There was nobody with me in the car and nobody outside could possible hear me because I was driving. But anyway I turned up the music player quite loud. Just in case that somebody could hear it in the car that is passing by. I started to shout and scream. I did it few times as much and as loud as I could. And nothing really happened apart from my throat getting sore from it so I had to stop it.
I got home. There was also nobody there. I started to feel some movement in me and my body. My throat was still hurting from shouting. But also I started to feel anger in me. My body was a little shaking. I said that I will not block it or suppress it. I let it be and I will breath. After some time it calmed down a little. I started to work on the computer. Later my friend called me. And normally I would suppress my anger and pretend that everything is ok. But this time I have decided that I will not do it anymore. I started to tell him how I feel. I told him that I am not happy and upset for what he did to me before. It was difficult to talk because I had tears in my eyes and my throat was tensed, squeezed. It was difficult to talk but I didn’t hang up. I pushed myself to stay and talk. He also started to have tears.
Later I went to see my friend. We started to talk about what happened to me before. But the conversation was not going well. I was still tense, had a little headache and my body was still a little shaky and I was tired. He also was not well. ( and of course my throat was still sore ). I went home to sleep.
I was in bed and I thought: “…This is something new to me…”. But I knew at the same time that this is not finished yet but at least I have made few steps forward.
This is my 10th month of doing SRA course.
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self-discoveries and benefits of participating in the "DESTENI I PROCESS" and "STRUCTURAL RESONANCE ALIGNMENT COURSE"
I have a friend that wanted to be always right. And this was pissing me off. And was annoying me even more when I noticed that he does is doing the same things to me or other people and doesn’t see it at all.
And I wanted to prove to him that this in not always so as he says. So I was observing him because I wanted to point out to him later exactly the situations where he is not right.
Last week we decided to go for a dinner to the restaurant. He was supposed to come within 20 min after the phone call. I got there first and I was waiting for him. I was waiting and waiting. I was becoming irritated because he was saying already few times that he is always punctual. And I remember that when I was coming late in the past, he was getting pissed off with me. But I thought.. “maybe something happened with his car or something else urgent”. So I was waiting more. After about 40 min I called him to ask what is happening. He told me that this is my fault because I was supposed to call him when I get there. I knew definitely that I said something different. I knew that I was right here.
I was trying to explain that I said something different. But no matter what I was explaining, he was saying that this is my fault because I was supposed sms him when I get there. And I knew that I didn’t say anything about sms. I didn’t want to continue on the phone this discussion that I am right.
I suggested that we can meet in another restaurant. And I went to my car. I was pissed off that he blames me. I was trying to calm down. I thought “…ok… there was misunderstanding.. it happens sometimes…”. But anyway, I was frustrated.
I thought.. “I have just proven that my friend is making the same mistakes as I do. And I try to point it out to him right on the spot when it happens. But even then he doesn’t see it. And on top of it, he is blaming me for it. This is ridiculous, unbelievable”.
When I was driving the car I reminded myself the words of Esteni from one of her videos. There was something about self creating those kinds of situations as a reflection of what is inside of us.
And I started to ask myself question… “what does it all tell me?… what does this situation tell me? …. What am I creating here?”.
Then I looked at the polarities of right and wrong. And I noticed that I wanted to be right. But when I want to be right, I am creating at the same time polarity of being wrong. Somebody needs to be somewhere wrong.
And then I understood that I am responsible of creating the situation where my friend was coming late, blaming and me getting pissed off about it. And all of this was just to show me, how I am creating polarities of right and wrong.
After understanding it, I started to apply self forgiveness aloud
I forgive myself that I wanted to be right.
I forgive myself that I wanted to prove that I am right.
I forgive myself that I wanted to prove that my friend is wrong
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I create polarity of being right, I am at the same time responsible for creating its opposite of being wrong.
….etc
I was trying to calm down and step back from the position / polarity of being right. And I continued doing my self forgiveness. But it was not coming so easy. I had thoughts running in my mind.
I have just proven that my friend is making the same mistakes as I do. I had a rush inside. And I had emotions and desire to go to my friend and tell him that he is wrong. I wanted to say: …“you blame me that I don’t respect you when I come late… but look… you are doing the same to me. And you don’t even see it. And you blame me, and you are getting pissed off with me when I do it to you… etc etc etc.
I didn’t want to give up so easy my right to be right.
I continued with self forgiveness, breathing and slowing my mind.
And eventually I did. I went to see my friend later without the need to prove the he is wrong.
It was all very interesting experience to see how I function as a creator of polarities. And it was very interesting to understand, that it is not easy to see it, when it happens in our life. And it is interesting to see, that it is not always so easy to stop it right on the spot.
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Slowly but steady I go forward and push myself through the resistance. It is easier now. I don´t find excuses any more to do it later. I make it my priority and I do it as much as I can. I see that there is a lot of work ahead. But this doesn´t scare me. I know it needs to be done. Nobody else will do it for me. And even if somebody did it for me, it would never be the same.
And so I go forward... step by step.... it seems to be slow... but it is steady...
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I have reached a moment of resistance in my structural resonance training course.It has been with me for few weeks now. And I still have resistance now. I write something just to write. Because I have to push myself through this point. And I have to start to do something. So even though it seems to me like this is completely useless to write, I have decided to do it and breath through it.
How has it all started…? First I didn´t understand some points while doing my mind construct. My buddy for sra training was trying to explain things to me and I couldn’t get it. My reaction was that I was putting aside for later my sra training and I was getting myself involved into doing other things like commenting on youtube and facebook etc. Days were passing by… later weeks. Suddenly I started to have more responsibilities at work etc etc…
In the end the fact is that I let myself to get stuck. And now I have to unstuck myself.
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